5 Key Steps To Forgiveness: How To Forgive When It Hurts The Most

When it comes to forgiveness, it is never easy. Though there are steps to forgiveness to have a better, and quicker result.

 

 

Forgiveness is everything. Many repercussions come if we do not follow the steps to forgiveness. Soon, within the heart will form a different pain. It is not the pain of an action, word, or thought. It is the pain of bitterness, which only develops over time. Bitterness has a price not worth paying.

Forgiveness is difficult, though. In two ways: First, it is challenging to ask for because of pride and shame. Being too proud to admit a wrong can significantly hinder reconciliation. Also, the guilt of what took place can be hard to overcome. Second, it is painful to accept a person asking for forgiveness.

There will never be a lack of wrongdoing or mistakes. However, you are the only one responsible and in control the response given to those actions.

The 5 Steps to Forgiveness are:

 

1. Control Anger / Emotion

The wildfire of the mind is that of anger. Anger leads to unplanned remarks, lack of perception, an increase in anxiety, and an infectious attitude around others. If the first response to wrongdoing is anger, it will then be difficult to regain unity.

The first reaction is probably the wrong one. Let the initial pain reside before trying to amend or justify the wrong doing. This will give both parties time to think and understand while letting temperament return to safe levels.

Think big picture and not just in the here and now. It is easy to get lost in the moment and forget about the longevity of the relationship. For the relationship to last, respond to an issue with care. Its importance should always be greater than any wrongdoing, even if it is with the worst of enemies.

These steps to forgiveness are critical because it will prevent irreversible actions and comments made out of short-term anger.

For more ways to control anger and emotion, here is a great article from the Huffington Post: 6 Steps to Controlling Your Emotions

 

 

 

2. Pray

God demonstrates His love for us through forgiveness. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Ask God for a change of heart and help to do so. The steps to forgiveness begin with the heart. First, reconcile the heart, then the body’s words and actions will follow.

Pray for guidance and strength to lead your thoughts, words, and actions. Ultimately, God knows which path is best, it may not be an easy road, but it will get you to His intended destination. While asking God for help, remember to be humble and accept that the incident may be your fault as well.

Seek to understand the cause or reason of a conflict. Conflict does not appease God. Follow Jesus’s footsteps during a dispute, be patient and try to understand before being understood. Look at the needs of the other individual instead of a temporary desire to “win” an argument.

 

3. Perspective

To be understood you have to be willing to understand. In the majority of cases (by no means all cases) even though an action or word caused harm, the other person most likely had the best of intentions in mind. Perspective will guide forgiveness.

Assuming the reason for someone’s actions can be dangerous and misleading. When wronged it is easy to think of reasons for another person’s actions, though most of the time this thought is selfish. It’s when we begin to analyze activities when we can see the real intentions.

Cause and effect can create a serious problem if the cause is not addressed. It is very easy to blame an adversary for the trouble, though events leading up to the situation may have been what caused it in the first place. Don’t be cross with someone because of things that happened prior.

 

 

 

4. Actively Listen

 

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19

 

God gifted humanity with two ears and one mouth, seems as if listening may be more important than speaking. During a dispute make a conscious effort to listen – actually listen. Listening is critical because it is the only way understanding can be found.

Listen without thinking of a counter argument. Steps to Forgiveness require active listening, which means listening without resentment. Don’t reflect on an argument or a point against the other, listen to their story. Intentionally allow a specific amount of time for each side to explain their view.

Show through your words and actions that comprehension to place. During a conversation, stay active with the speaker by looking them in the eyes, nodding your head, and once and a while repeating what they had said. Doing this will show that understanding took place.

Do not judge the other for their views, right or wrong. It is their viewpoint. Even if it is wrong, they understand it to be truth. When testing a perceived, it only shuts the adversary from bringing the conflict to resolution. Don’t judge, make sly remarks, or look down on the other person – just listen to them.

 

5. Closure

A closure is a final step in the steps to forgiveness. This last step is the place where conflict resolution can occur and where the heart can truly forgive.

Understand that things do not have to be the same after a conflict. It is easy to desire two extremes: One extreme is that of ultimate forgiveness where nothing changes. The second extreme is where an association is desired to be cut off. The best place to be however is in the middle ground.

Genuine conflicts call for change and understanding. For some, it may be easy to let everything go back to as it was, though most times this is not healthy for any occasion. Not to say it won’t one day be at the same level but it takes intentional action to accomplish that. Forgive, then discuss how to continue. Set more boundaries but also understand everyone makes mistakes.

Silence is the worst of all pains. Now, on the opposite side, for those who want to eliminate that person from their lives, completely should consider the gravity of the situation. There are a time and place to have distance or elimination, though make sure it is on agreeable terms and there are no hard feelings. Now, if possible provide distance, which will give the heart time to heal. Plan a time to reconvene and discuss the next course of action.

 

 


Steps to Forgiveness:

 

1. Control Anger / Emotion

  • The first reaction is probably the wrong one
  • Think big picture and not just in the here and now.

2. Pray

  • Ask God for a change of heart and help to do so.
  • Pray for guidance and strength to lead your thoughts, words, and actions.
  • Seek to understand the cause or reason of a conflict.

3. Perspective

  • Assuming the reason for someone’s actions can be dangerous and misleading.
  • Cause and effect can create a serious problem if the cause is not addressed.

4. Actively Listen

  • Listen without thinking of a counter argument.
  • Show through your words and actions that comprehension to place.
  • Do not judge the other for their views, right or wrong.

5. Closure

  • Understand that things do not have to be the same after a conflict.
  • Genuine conflicts call for change and understanding.
  • Silence is the worst of all pains.

 

 

Read More At:

Ambition 2 Empowerment

Empower Someone Else Today!
Zachary

About the Author

Zachary